Living &Learning

Hello,

It's Me....

I know, I know.... Adele jokes are so old.....BUT LIKE COMEON, I am basically a grandma and don't know things till they are no longer a trend and will use them forever :) hehehehhe

I am currently sipping on some coffee made by the amazing, creative, sometimes annoying Ryan Carl Wilke.   I must say, I normally don't like blonde roasts, but this cup is doing it for me :)  I am sore from a week filled with activity and exciting for mid-semester break (next week).  Anyways, Hi again! Here is a little update on my life and what I have been learning ( I hope you enjoy)

Guys,  this week has been one of the best weeks I've had in a really long time!!!!    I've been praying for a breakthrough mentally, spiritually, and physically and
BAM the LORD FREAKING PROVIDES.
At the beginning of the new year I attended a New Life weekend seminar/workshop called Living Light.  This Weekend was amazing and everything I needed to encourage me in my new steps towards Wellness.

I didn't know I had an eating disorder.  While at the workshop, I realized I've been struggling with over eating and comfort eating for most of my life.  Looking back, it wasn't noticeable.  With intense club soccer training more than two times a week, games, and then High School soccer on top of it all, no one knew ( not even myself).   It wasn't until Junior year of High School after I quite club soccer that I slowly began gaining weight.

No one talks about over eating.  In college it is a normal activity to binge watch Netflix....while most likely binging on food as well.  When someone is feeling down or hurt, everyone goes out to eat to get their mind off the uncomfortable emotions.

Last semester, my over eating was the worst it has been.  With the new stresses from my job and most friends either studying abroad or transferring to a new school, I felt alone, sad, anxious, and many other emotions.  I comforted myself with food and isolated myself from others instead of reaching out to my people and getting help.

NOW,

I am in counseling and am beginning to learn how to be mindful of my emotions, instead of ignoring them.  :)  I actually eat vegetables and don't even walk by the dessert table in the cafe.  I have been working out almost every day AND LOVING IT!!!!  (the above statement is very shocking to me still hahahha)  Listening to the podcasts by Revelation Wellness has been a huge encouragement and transformed how I exercise.  I schedule and set time aside to experience God's love, to rest, and receive His love and provisions.  As I have been transforming my regular routine, I have also experienced clarity of mind and more energy.

Now, I could not have done any of this without God's guidance, the support of my small group, and my parents.  I also am still a work in progress.  There are days when all I want to do is to eat all of the chocolate in the world and eat a whole pizza while watching The Office, but there is no fulfillment in these things.

So,

This is real, this is me, I AM EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSE TO BE (always camp rock) and I hope you can join me.  Do something today that fills your spirit.  Go to the place where you see and feel God the most.  Talk to someone about your struggles.  Allow yourself to rest.  Feel your emotions and let them go to God.  Allow Him to clean your wounds and sing sweet loving songs over you.  Seek counseling and guidance.  Serve others.  DANCE.  SING. LOVE.

Long story long, this week I have seen God continuously provide for me and meet me where I am.  He has bent down to listen to my cries, prayers, and even my childish secrets.  He has held me in His arms when I'm afraid and sung me to sleep.

He hears you.  He sees you.  His hand is outstretched, eyes beckoning, asking,"Trust me."
Cling onto Him and He will lead you, He will heal your heart.
He will forgive you; He already has.  He Will Love You; He always has and always will.

Till next time :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Songs to listen to:
"Head to the Heart" by United Pursuit
"In the River" by Jesus Culture
"Mercy" by Amanda Cook

I love this quote that popped up on my Pinterest the other day:
"Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do, not a punishment for what you ate."

Psalm 116 is amazing...give it a read....here is a snippet: vs. 1-9
"I love the Lord because he hears my voce
  and my prayer for mercy,
Because he bends down to listen,
  I will pray as long as I have breath!
Death wrapped its ropes around me;
  the terrors of the grave overtook me.
  I saw only trouble and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the LORD:
"Please, Lord, save me!"
How kind the Lord is! How good he is!
  So merciful, this God of ours!
The LORD protects those of childlike faith;
  I was facing death, and he saved me.
Let my soul be at rest again,
  for the LORD has been good to me.
He has saved me from death,
  my eyes from tears,
  my feet from stumbling.
And so I walk in the LORD's presence
  as I live here on earth! "
5 8

Newness

It is January 9, 2017.
It is raining.
Classes start again today.
I started my day by walking in the rain while listening to THE Tom Holladay talk about newness on the Drivetime Devotions app.  It was beautiful walking in the misting rain.  The droplets would hit my face and stick there.  By the end of my walk, I was covered in rain.  Shoutout to the parentals Jim and Lisa for the raincoat that works amazing! Morning walks are something I have begun to make a habit.  Something about being conscious before 8:00 is a challenge, but once I get out the door I am at peace.  The rain is calming, and the message of newness nourished my soul.  So if anyone saw a girl with bright pink shoes, and a black raincoat walking around Concordia Campus, it was me :)

Newness is both beautiful and scary.  It involves change, which most of the time is uncomfortable, but does breed good character and heart growth.  On a trip, this could mean a new destination, a new route, a new companion, a new question.  Whatever that may be, newness leads to a revival of the heart.  Last semester, was exhausting and overwhelming.  Most of the time, I was feeling helpless and confused as to what I needed to do both with my new job as an RA, and with balancing school work and the rest of life.

But this year!!! THIS year.  God is washing me with holy rain to cleanse me and reveal newness.  I have heard God's call to wonder with Him into newness.  I have heard His call to trust Him, lean on Him, shamelessly dance with Him.   This verse in Romans has really hit me, and I love it because it is so short and simple, but packed with an enormous amount of wisdom.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

So simple, but something for wherever you are when you read this.  Know that the God who created you, not only loves you but wants to live life with you.  He has something new for you, but that may mean having to trust Him with something you hold onto tightly.  Giving up something that is putting a space between your relationship with Him.

I know I'm probs really late on the whole Simple Gospel album by United Pursuit, but goodness yall must give it a listen.  The songs are filled with truth and are really prayers we can declare each and every day.  I pray you all have a blessed day and I'll talk to you all soon!

Back To School/ Back to Blogging

Hey, guys!

I know it has been for literally ever since I last posted.  So, a little catch up on life :)  School has officially started again, here at Concordia, and this year....I AM LIVING ON CAMPUS!!!!! I am one of the RAs for the Holos House LLC(living learning community) in Rho.  Rho is the freshman dorm and guys; I already love this job!!!!

As an RA, I get the chance to encourage and empower those around me to learn, lead, and love one another.  I am still learning my residents' names, but hey it is only day two!  They all have a name(which I'll know someday), a story, and a purpose.  They each are loved by God, and I can't wait to love and look out for them this year!!!

Summer brought adventures, new Lyfe lessons, questions, and significant life changes.  I got to travel to Mammoth with my family and to SLO with my best friend, Sierra Beach!  Beautiful scenery that captivated my eyes and inspired me deeply filled each trip.  I will cherish the memories made on both trips forever!

I also had the chance to be a JHM camp counselor for church camp!  That was incredible watching students and leaders come together to praise God's name!  My cabin of crazy girls each made bold decisions to be more open with others about their faith and to dive into God's word more!!! I will never forget all the story telling, laughing, and dancing that happened in YURT 2.

Oh, yeah, I have a boyfriend, his name is Troy, and he is a keeper.  I would have never guessed last year that I would be in a long term relationship now.  Troy and I have been dating now for eight months.  Troy and I have grown up with each other since diaper days.  Elementary School, Junior High, and High School.  ALL of it! It cracks me up when I realize how he was always there, but I never truly saw him #classic ( I physically, but not in a romantic way).  He is my other half.  My dork! I love how we can be so dorky and nerdy with each other!!!!

Anyways, more on that story later :)

I am so excited for this year, and I believe God is going to do amazing things!!  I plan on trying to blog at least once a week.  I want this to be a place filled with encouragement and stories that will bring a smile to your face.  I hope and pray that after reading each post, you find peace, lessons, and maybe some questions that you need to start asking.  I am still young and have a lot to learn, but I don't want to be selfish and hold onto the stories that make me smile.

Thanks for reading this far! I am so excited to share the little and big things going on in my life with all of you!!! To close, I want to be clear and tell you this: Even if we have never met, you are beautiful.  You have a purpose.  You are special, unique, a masterpiece.  I believe in you!  You are talented and can accomplish the dreams you have been dreaming since you were little!  If you ever need anything, please reach out! I would love to be praying for you!

Blessings,

Carly Wilke

A Wolf Becomes A Child

                                     ~Journal Entry from August 8, 2015 ~           

        Today is my last opening shift.  God, I give it to you. Lord, I have sinned and I keep believing the lies that all I want is the temporary pleasure, but that’s not the truth! I want more than that!  “…shall not perish but have eternal life…’ John 3:16b.  So often I recite this verse with the least amount of conviction or amazement!  I deserve to die a sinner’s death.  I am far from perfection.  I am a great actress, though.  I may look like a meek sheep, but I am a wolf in a beautiful and convincing disguise.  

THEN ENTERS JESUS!!!  

             The shepherd who leaves the ninety-nine to find the one who is lost.  Well, guess what?!?!  He comes back to find another lost sheep, one even more lost than the one who wondered away.  For this sheep doesn’t even notice that it is a wolf.  I am the wolf.  Instead of showing wrath and chasing me away…like a shepherd is suppose to do when in contact with a predator, he invites me to stay.                     Why?  Why would He love the very thing that kills his beautiful sheep?  He feeds me from his place and gives me a bed in his house.  Slowly the disguise is pulled away.  Slowly, I start to change.  The rough tangled and mangled fur in combed out by Him?!!  He washes my paws…. He cleans out wounds I didn’t even know I had.  

                

            At times, tears stream down my face, but He is there to wipe them away…Leaving me without a single trace of heartbreak!  I start to feel different, not just on the outside, but on the inside.  Almost like the old me died…But I don't hurt anymore!!! No, I feel good, better than good!!! I feel fulfilled!  Here comes my new friend..with news to tell everyone.  He announces there will be a feast!!! I love feasts…tons of people…tons of food…it’s easy to get lost in the crowd.  But wait... What?!!?  The feast is in my honor…  

Me…

The wolf among the sheep…

How could that be????

He welcomes me to sit with Him in my room.  He notices the mirror covered by a cloth…He asks why?  I answer:  Because I hate being a wolf..it hurts to much.  I can’t change myself… it’s impossible…

He reaches out and pulls the sheet away to reveal me looking eye to eye with myself.  Before I could look away, I notice something has changed…. My fur has changed to brown hair flowing to my neck.  My claws are left bare with no fur but instead delicate fingertips…I wear clothes that flow with the wind and lay perfectly against my skin… 

I   AM    NO   LONGER    A   WOLF!!!!

Tears start to stream down my face… Jesus takes my hand into his own… 

“ You are no longer a wolf…You are my daughter…My dear Child!!!!”

I turn to face Him and see everything I have been looking for hidden in His eyes. 

COMPASSION.  LOVE. FORGIVENESS.  PURPOSE.  STRENGTH.  DESIRE.  PEACE.  HEALING.  COURAGE.  POWER.  TENDERNESS.  OPENNESS.  

I  see my father!!!  “ABBA!!!!” I scream!  Leaping into His arms.  We stay there, in that passionate embrace for some time.  Feeling life being breathed into me I am ready!! 

Ready for the feast.  To show everyone the new me!!  He grabs my hand and we walk down the stairs, hand in hand, to where the guests are waiting. 

I have been walking hand in hand with Jesus ever since He made me new and I experience HIs unconditional love every single day in new ways.  HE IS MY EVERYTHING!!  

Exactly Where I'm Supposed To Be

Wow... it has been over a whole month since I last wrote.  A lot of things have happened.  A lot of things were started.  A lot of things ended.  But I guess that's kindof how life works...Right!?!?

In order to start something new, we must finish tying the loose ends of something else.

You want to know a secret?.....  I thought this year would be different.  In fact, this year didn't go the way I planned AT ALL!!! Although I must say it went even better than I planned!!

Looking back at first day of college Carly,  I had a lot planned for my life.  I had it in my mind that I knew exactly what I wanted to do, what I wanted to be part of, and who I wanted to be.  Hahahaha but boy was I wrong...LOLZ.

Here are some things that I wanted to be true (some did come true):  get connected to a great group of girls at school,  be motivated to do my best in every class, sing in the women's choir at Concordia,  make everyone I pass smile,  try to be as positive and authentic at the same time as possible, learn something new, lead a seventh grade small group, get connected in the College Ministry at church, be vulnerable with a brand new small group, help out around the house, do the whole art thing more often, read more, write more, sing more, learn to play the piano, adventure somewhere completely new, go on my first date, maybe find a certain someone special, and plenty more....

Here is what actually happened in order of the list above( prepare to laugh):  I am beyond grateful for the girls I met at Concordia!  They teach me about love and encourage me every day to be the best me there is! The whole motivation thing ended around first semester ahahaha but thankfully all my new gal friends and I pushed through and were able to accomplish our first year strong!  I did sing in the women's Choir first semester but then found out I had vocal calluses and needed to take a break and rest my voice.  I also had to do voice therapy.  I will not be going back to choir sadly, but the girls I met there are precious to me and it was a blessing making music with them! I learned that it is literally(that's right, not figuratively, but for reals) impossible to make everyone happy, but that doesn't mean you don't try, it just means you trust that God will send another person to catch the ones you missed.  Same goes for the next one.  It is really hard to be authentic, but I have learned that the more authentic you are, the more joy you can share with someone!  Joy lasts, happiness fades away.  My brain is filled with random facts about the History of California, Anthropology, Biology, Theology, Philosophy, The Nature of Mathematics, and much much more...if you ever want to know something random shoot me a message hahaha! My seventh-grade girls are crazy, loud, very good actresses, but they are also very sweet, kind, carry a lot of heartache, and most importantly just need a good big sister.  That is what my co-leader Kenzie and I try to be and it is a challenge I accept each and every day ( even on the days when they drive me crazy and require a ton of Grace...love you girls!!)  I love CM at Saddleback Church!!! I have grown so much because of it and my small group which has been amazing!! We are so vulnerable and it is beautiful!  I love doing life with these girls and I know we will grow as a group these next years ahead of us! My poor parents.... I have been the worst roommate ever... I am trying to be better about taking the trash out, doing some chores, and helping my mom out with dinner and stuff...they are amazing parents and super encouraging!! I love writing, painting, crocheting, singing, sewing....everything artlike!!! I have learned that God is my sole inspiration and without him I can do none of these things!!  The Piano thing has finally started!! Just got a keyboard and it is amazing!! IF anyone wants to teach me I would love help!! hahaha

Life has been its own adventure, but I have also gone on hikes with some amazing people and visited the most beautiful locations that just screams God's creativity!!
The First date has been accomplished blahahahahahahahah!  Only took like 19 years but was well worth the wait!  He was awesome and such an inspiring man.  He taught me a lot about myself and I treasure our friendship!!   To answer the next one...no haven't found the special person yet.... I have found a bazillion special people!!  God has blessed me with so many new relationships that it is overwhelming.  Now I am not at all saying that I know each and every one of these new people, but that they still are making an impact on my life and I know we will one day know each other very well.

So yes I may still have a lot of learning to do, and I may still be just as confused about life now compared to when I started this year, but I have also learned so many things about myself and who God is molding me into.

I felt so convicted by this verse today:
 "My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent.  It is the Lord who judges me.  Therefore, judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes.  He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts.  At that time each will receive his praise from God." ~ 1 Corinthians 4:4-5

God is revealing the motives in my heart.  He is bringing to light all that has been hidden in darkness.  Sometimes I don't like what I see or what He is teaching me, but I know one thing... that HE loves me and has a purpose for me.  He promises me a life like no other and I want that!!  [p.s. HE loves you too! And has a plan for you!! I am always here to pray for you guys!!]


Just like the wise words of Demi Lovato from Camp Rock:
This is real
This is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now I've found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me

Learning How to Walk

It’s one of those moments that all parents look forward to and dread at the same time: to witness their little child take their first steps.  Their once so small and very needy little treasure is  now growing up into an independent little toddler.  Parents are excited!!! And sad… their little one wants to explore while momma wants to hold tight her little one and soak in every moment of love.  She wants them to stay small but knows they must grow up.  They must learn to walk, then jog, then run…  But my question is…

When did life become dependent on how busy you are, how fast you are running, how productive you are?  What happened to the quality of life?  When did we substitute              over-involvement for silence and solitude? When did we start to believe that being alone actually means you are alone?  

Seriously, I have been wondering about this for a while now!! And I totally did this…I still do. I skipped walking and instead started to sprint through life.  Everything rushed past me and sure I enjoyed some of it… but how much of the real Carly was there… present both physically and mentally????  Probably not much. 

Our society has not only accepted this mentality and way of living life like a race, but it actually congratulates people on being busy!!  

Now I am wondering…. Were we really created to live like this?? Running and Rushing from place to place??!!?  Ummmmmm… NOOOOOOOO!!!  We were made to walk.  To experience life not just get through it.  

In High School, I was over-involved and under too much stress.  I was stretched thin and not living life the way God calls us to live…

I am learning to walk again. And if I am completely honest, it is like soooooo hard.  It's like having to retrain a human on how to be, well, human.  I have been living life with the wrong mentality, with the wrong goals.  It has always been about how much I can get done, rather than how well I am actually doing.  It has all been about how many people I can impact, rather than authentically, and lovingly impacting a few.  

God is changing me and it is uncomfortable.  It is.  I will warn you, it is not easy. But!! I would also like to inform you that life could not be any better!  Instead of rushing through a Bible passage, I linger in the word longer and sit in God’s presence for as long as I can rather than only a few minutes.  I have learned to Shut UP!! And to stop speaking over God.  Sometimes the prayer I am about to pray, or the question I am about to ask, is already being answered if I would just stop and listen.  Or even, sometimes the things I am praying about are not in God’s plan…maybe I have been praying wrong too!! Rushing into what is going on in my life, in my kingdom instead of focussing on God’s Kingdom and His will.  

Walking through life with Jesus is seriously the best thing I could ever recommend to anyone who is feeling restless, overdone, stressed, unmotivated, unhappy, confused, and just wondering if life was meant to be something so much more than what it has become.  

So, if you are just like me and thinking there is more to life than getting a job, marrying someone, having a family, learning to cook, doing well in school, having lots of friends, and so forth.  Then Please join me and start learning how to walk again! ( All of these things are great, and most of these things are very important to myself, but not if they are pushing God and a healthy life out the window) 

Encouraging Verses: Here we can see Jesus going off to pause and reflect.  He did not just stay for a few minutes, no He lingered there.  He did not worry about where He was going,no! He offered everything up to God the Father! Soooooooo... We should do this too! We need to stop racing everywhere and instead start slowing down and walk through life with the best companion out there (any doctor who fans?? hahaha) NO it is not the doctor!  It is Jesus!!!!!!

"But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed." -Luke 5:16

"Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed." -Mark 1:35

Communication Through Silence

So, I know its been a while since my last post and I have very much missed writing.  But recently I have been learning something new.  The importance and existence of silence.

As I wrote in a previous post, I was in a very loud and very verbal season with God.  It felt like everything was speaking to me in ways that I didn't even understand and I didn't know how to express what I was learning.  God shined some light on spoken word and this whole idea of writing a blog.  I took it and ran.  The Holy Spirit gave me strength to go for miles and miles, years, and years... and then all of a sudden *cricket sounds*......

Seriously, I was like WWWWHHAATT??  Um excuse me upstairs... where did you go? Um, what were you saying again?

At first, I heard nothing.  I started feeling discouraged and confused.  What happened to me and God? Why was He not responding anymore?  But boy did I have it wrong.  God never hung up the phone...HE was still speaking to me... but in a new way...through SILENCE!!!

This idea popped into my head one day when I was on my way up the hill ( or minny mountain in my opinion) located on my school's campus.  I walked up that hill (mountain) and started my normal routine.  I put my blanket down, put my lunch pail on the side, drink some water, (try to catch my breathe...it is a big hill!!!), and sit down.  I opened my SheReadsTruth app and read what was part of the series we were going through.
"If only you would be altogether silent! Fo you, that would be wisdom." ~Job 4:15

God still speaks through silence.  And I am learning that silence is necessary for a balanced life!  Sometimes when there are no words...maybe I am not looking at the current decision, or problem from the right angle, maybe I need a new perspective.  Or maybe, just maybe, I NEED TO BE PATIENT and wait on the Lord! Silence doesn't mean there isn't a reply, or that you have not been heard, or that someone doesn't hear you.  Silence is Powerful.  Silence is Humbling.  Without silence, words would not be, we would all speak jibberish.  Without silence, music would sound like noise... Every pause of breath, every crescendo and decrescendo, every time the conductor allows the sound to ring in the room after it has finished... they are observing silence in its truest form... Silence is Beautiful.

So I am not going to make this a long post, or speak on and on about how amazing silence is.  It is really hard! But, I have also learned so much in this new season of life and I look forward to learning more and more each and every day.

My challenge for you all today is to find some time to be in silence.  When you pray, take some time to make sure you are not speaking over God, it may save you some words if you just let Him say what He needs to say!  Also, I challenge you all to stop looking at Silence as something revolting.  Welcome Silence in and learn to listen for the faintest whisper.

I love you all and am praying for you!